V1207 sleeve up close

I changed my mind about directing this blog back to the topic of money as the style quest has become too fascinating to put down!

Please visit my new blog at Style Made by Hand for a new twist on exploring personal style.

Yesterday we hosted a fundraising voice recital featuring our tenor friend Trey Costerisan, our friend Kali Wilson, soprano as his special guest, and the pianist Allen Perriello.

The above video captures the last part of the program: Kali singing “Meine Lippen, sie küssen so heiß” from Giuditta – Franz Lehár, and 5 minutes and 15 seconds (5:15) into the video, Kali and Trey singing the duet “Pie Jesu” from Requiem – Andrew Lloyd Webber.

the living room rearranged for a recital

Unfortunately our camera, a Canon PowerShot SD1400 IS, stopped just before they finished the Webber duet. Drat! Also, the audio quality isn’t as good as it could be. They sounded much more rich and clear in person, but it’s pretty good!

tulip poplar tree tulips blooming

The weather was warm enough for people to enjoy wine and appetizers in the gardens before the show and during intermission.

food and wine setup

We couldn’t have asked for a more perfect day for a recital.

There aren’t many dressy clothing options for warm weather in my closet at this point, but this TravelSmith blouse, Chicos microfiber slacks and Aerosoles sandals worked well.

these bathroom shots are badly lit -- need to get another mirror

The day before, on Saturday, I finished reading The Power of Style by Annette Tapert and Diana Edkins, a loan from a neighbor, and loved it so much I ordered a copy for future reference. Of the twentieth century style icons profiled in the book, I related most to Millicent Rogers and Diana Vreeland, Millicent for her love of aesthetics and appreciation of Native American arts and crafts, and Diana for her wit and simple elegance.

At the end of the book, the authors speak of the women profiled in general terms, noting that all of them used style as a way of concealing flaws and tragedies in their lives. This idea of style as a way of maintaining private dignity in public does not seem to be an obvious feature of contemporary American culture. Previously, in considering lack of style as a possible sign of loss of self respect, I thought only of individuals, like me for example, but maybe it’s a wider cultural phenomenon?

In revisiting thoughts of a change in blog direction, I’ve decided to rename the blog Financial Organizing Dreams – sorting out money and meaning. Not just money and meaning in retirement, as Anna suggested, but money and meaning in general, because although it’s true that I am a retired software engineer, it’s not clear that my days of participating in the economy are 100% over. The financial consulting business is still a part-time endeavor and if I can manage to guide it in a different direction, it might take on new life in the future.

Also, many retirees will be seeking engagement in the economy in the form of part-time businesses, so the process of developing a consulting business around an area of expertise is relevant to that demographic.

The direction I would like to take the consulting business is upward, out of the details of small business and personal finance to the level of sorting out the big picture of balancing values and desires in making financial decisions in alignment with one’s true self. Not as so-called financial coaches do – they tend to be motivational as do many career and life coaches.

The model I have in mind is closer to the older Roman Catholic practice of spiritual direction, in which the individual works with a spiritual companion or guide to discern God’s unique plan for that person, except that my own model won’t be religious at all beyond the point of acknowledging that the individual adheres to some sort of system of values that informs personal decisions, financial and otherwise.

I’ll probably start by refining new-client questionnaires designed to tease out an individual or a couple’s personal financial picture and all of its thorny issues and bundle those into a free ebook, similar to what Anna did with her ebook on selling advertising on your blog. The ebook helped establish Anna as a blog consultant.

As I noted in an earlier post, individuals and business owners I’ve worked with are easily overwhelmed with the details involved in pulling together a coherent financial picture, and the difficulty seems to stem not from lack of motivation – people work really hard! – but from the complexity involved in sorting out one’s values and desires. In short, setting priorities and making decisions. It’s hard because our values and desires conflict with other, we have opposing desires, and sometimes we’re not clear on what our values really are or have opposing values. Add another person to the mix and complexity grows exponentially as the couple struggles to agree on shared values and desires.

As this diagram shows, some expenses are non-discretionary: at a minimum we need food, shelter, clothing, some household furnishings, transportation and insurance to manage major risks. We also agree to pay taxes (how much is the correct amount is beyond the scope of this blog.) And most people understand the need to save for the future.

What gets tricky is managing the pink discretionary wedge and also being honest with ourselves about how much of the non-discretionary items reflect what I call discretionary creep, e.g., yes, we all need shelter, but that doesn’t mean we all need a 4,000 square foot house!

Our values play off of our desires and vice versa.

Values reinforce elements of our social contractual commitment, i.e., stuff like:

• individual responsibility,
• public manners (style?), and
• family/community responsibility.

Desires fuel our drive for

• power/status (style?)
• individual creativity (style?)
• aesthetics/culture/knowledge (style?)

We need desires to attract partners, have families, engage in the economy and pursue artistic, academic and other cultural endeavors.

Personal style seems to be a culmination of many different aspects of both values and desires. In that sense I finally see how important it is in reflecting who we really are, just as our financial decisions do, or ought to.

At the recital I mentioned to my style-oriented neighbor that many of the profiles of the women in The Power of Style had a common thread of bringing together interesting and talented people as one element of their unique style. I would rather be known for this aspect of style than for anything I might drape on my body :-).

Dress update: the back extension on Miss R.’s dress fit perfectly!

Wrapping it up, life dreams are made of a combination of values and desires, and dreams inform our financial decisions, hence the new primary blog title Financial Organizing Dreams and a new focus on sorting out money and meaning in life, including fun activities like sewing and music.

What is your own process for sorting out priorities? Is it effective for you?

a good reason for our bad colds

In doing some thinking recently about the direction I want to take with this blog, I decided to treat myself to a session with the talented and smart blog consultant Anna of ABDPBT. She prepared a detailed report with suggestions for branding, the blog’s story “hook” and many other interesting insights we discussed at length during a follow up phone consultation. It is such a pleasure to talk with Anna. As a passionate blogger herself she “gets” bloggers. It is like getting a blog massage. Trust me.

the black bees love it

Anna sees this blog as essentially a retirement blog in that it describes a process of discovering who I really am now that I have time to think about it and explore different possibilities.

And the original theme of this blog, personal finance, ties in nicely with a personal quest in that it serves as a metaphor for all of life, including the current post-work transition, because in sorting out one’s financial picture, you have to set priorities. To set them, you need to know what is important to you, and to know what is important you have to know yourself — understand your values. To know your values, you have to have some notion of the ultimate meaning of human life — at least of your own life.

I like this idea of the blog being a personal quest that deals with the topic of personal finance in terms of how the journey of self and one’s financial choices affect and inform each other.

At the moment, I am seeking both the meaning and importance of personal style in my life and am finding the process fascinating on many levels, including its place in my broader financial picture.

This seeking quality isn’t new.

As a child, I found myself seeking meaning in the midst of chaos and in seeking became more aware of my thoughts and behavior as well as the thoughts and behavior of other people. This heightened awareness and seeking improved my ability to make judgments and decisions that served me well in becoming an adult. Not always. There were some disastrous errors of judgment along the way, but I got better at it.

Awareness belongs on the bullet list of qualities and experiences I think helped me deal with the past:

1. Therapy
2. Limerance
3. Awareness

This hyper awareness tends to focus in on one thing at time — right now it’s personal style — and become a kind of lens through which I see everything else.

In a previous post exploring a theory of fashion, I wondered if fashion is really all about rivalry and desire. I don’t think it is, but it does present its own form of moral hazard, as do all social constructs.

My friend Anne, after reading that post, reminded me of when we were young and I socked away savings for the future while she blew money on clothes, like the ant and the grasshopper!

That’s not quite fair, to either of us, but probably does get at the heart of our difference in orientation. It’s a subtle difference. I would describe myself as an ascetical aesthete whereas I would describe her as an aesthete with asceticism informing her style. Bottom line: she thinks both of us would be plotted somewhere in the lower left quadrant of this graph, right where I placed elegance and allure.

Anne knows I am passionate about art and beauty, and she is too, but she also has great style. (I wish I could convince her to be interviewed on my blog so you could see what I mean.)

For me, the ant still mostly rules, but sometimes the grasshopper comes out, like when I try on new things that look attractive and stylish and I can’t help smiling!

Like in this picture, though the expression is more of a chin-jutted-out-worry whether the photo will come out than a smile.

I hope you can see the lovely details of my new fantastic Zebra Stud earrings by Wendy Brandes!

Zebra Stud earrings from WendyB

In case you can’t see the details, here’s a close up.

Zebra Stud Earrings by Wendy Brandes -- Gorgeous!

There’s another new item from WendyB but it needs an adjustment — I’ll model it when it comes back.

Recently Pseu of Une femme d’un certain age wrote a post about good raincoats for travel and she mentioned a sale at Land’s End on a nice microfiber raincoat. Look at this wonderful garment!

Macintosh -- Land's End and WendyB pose!

I love the concealed button placket front.

This new beautiful rain coat made me realize how ugly this white one is. The white jacket will be donated to the church thrift store.

you can't see the buttons -- very smooth -- WendyB pose!

Pseu wrote another post featuring this Eileen Fisher cardigan and I loved it so much I ordered one.

love this cardigan and new black nydj's -- WendyB pose!

Lastly, here’s a V1207 dress update.

fully lined bodice, back view

The pins are keeping the fabric flat in lieu of under-stitching and the seams are basted, not stitched, so that I can try the bodice on Miss R. and verify that she needs all of the back extension I added.

pattern extension for Miss R.'s broad back

back close up

bodice front -- sleeves have lining and interfacing support for structure

front close up

One issue in sewing for Miss R. is access. She’s working full time and is also in graduate school pursuing a double teaching credential in English and Special Education. Busy.

But, this coming Sunday she’s attending a tenor recital we’re hosting for this fantastic tenor, formerly our choir tenor section lead, so hopefully there will be enough time to try the bodice on Miss R. and take notes re: fitting before the show begins.

In closing, how do you balance style and personal finance goals?

V1207

I do plan to follow up on the continuing personal series, and other interesting topics, including some totally new fashion items I can’t wait to show you, but for now, given the Easter smackdown crunch, I want to share some tips preparing this Vogue dress my daughter likes.

It flatters her H shape.

Here’s a photo of a technique I call thread marking of the pleats on the front bodice.

thread marking pleats on the front bodice

It’s easy to line up the thread marked pleats and pin.

front bodice pinned

Charmeuse is very slippery. In the above shot I tried lining up the thread marked points and pinning, but I didn’t get a perfect edge, as you can see.

In working on the sleeve pleats, I came up with a far better technique.

new sleeve thread mark & pull technique!

Instead of knotting each end of the thread mark as I’d done for the front bodice, I left the left edge of each pleat unknotted on the sleeve but left a generous thread trail.

That way, I was able to pull the left-side (unknotted) thread trail to define the pleat, then pin. Kind of like pulling the sails up inside a bottle!

Above, I show the result. Look at that nice edge.

(A Detail re: thread marking — you need to orient each pin vertically to get a good mark.)

sleeve zoom out

sleeve close up

sleeve close up

It’s a labor of love!

]]> http://www.financialorganizing.info/2011/04/20/44-riffing-on-a-dress/feed/ 22 http://www.financialorganizing.info/2011/04/14/43-mccalls-m6287-raw-edges/ http://www.financialorganizing.info/2011/04/14/43-mccalls-m6287-raw-edges/#comments Thu, 14 Apr 2011 17:17:48 +0000 Susan Tiner http://www.financialorganizing.info/?p=5428

raw edges?

I know, I said I wouldn’t post till after Easter, but I’m curious about this pattern.

My daughter liked the view A top because she thought the shape and drape would work well for her H shape.  (I learned about this shape via LPC’s referral to Inside Out Style and referred the link to my daughter,  Miss R, and she got right on it.)

Miss R, gorgeous, slim, fit and lithe as a ballerina (twenty six years old – sigh!), nevertheless has inherited the vexing broad back issue so I thought I’d need to adjust the back but it wasn’t necessary as the half-way-around measurement of front to back on the pattern was nearly the same as hers.

What’s strange about the pattern is that it provides NO instructions for the raw edges!

besides shoulder seams there's only one sewn seam from underarm to hem

How can this be?

I assumed McCall’s must assume you’ll finish them in some way so I serged the exposed edges with the result that those edges have the lettuce edge look, which is pretty, but different from the view A look above.

lettuce edges

It occurred to me that I could have serged those edges with a contrasting color. Must consult with Miss R about this possibility for the next top.

The other funky thing is that the shoulder seams are connected with such tiny, tiny pieces of fabric that I shouldn’t have tried serging the raw edges before connecting the shoulder seams as the serger mangled the fabric a bit, making it necessary to trim the fabric and re-serge, and the serged edges significantly reduced the fabric area available for the shoulder seam.

On top, the shoulders are finished by hand sewing a piece of ribbon to strengthen the shoulder seam. Next time I’ll just baste the ribbon in place then serge the edges for a more finished look.

ribbon hand sewn at shoulder seam

The ribbon overlap didn’t quite work and the serged edges near the shoulder seam are bulkier than they should be because of the re-serging. And yes there are few straight stitches. You don’t want to know.

The serger requires a bit of fearlessness and humility, in just the right proportions. Observe and correct.

The next one will be perfect.

Early in 2009, Martin and I saw saw the remarkable cave paintings at Font-de-Gaume in the Dordogne region of Southern France. There were only three of us in the cave: Martin, me and a knowledgeable French guide who periodically interrupted near total darkness to illuminate a painting and explain its features. It was thrilling.

The experience was especially compelling for me personally. Several months earlier I had read the New Yorker article Letter from Southern France — First Impressions — What does the world’s oldest art say about us? by Judith Thurman and found it heart breaking. I hadn’t known that Neanderthals coexisted with their successor species, Homo sapiens, for eight thousand years and were aware of their inferiority to these newcomers. I imagined them looking at the cave paintings in utter bewilderment. These guys are better than us. It is how I sometimes felt, growing up, not knowing if I would ever be, as my friends were, part of a warm family life and promising future, and it made me sad.

The cave painters and the Neanderthals came to mind again recently in thinking about the post I meant to write, the next post in this series (now postponed till the next post). Re-reading Thurman’s article I was struck by this reference to fashion:

“They coexisted for some eight thousand years, until the Neanderthals withdrew or were forced, in dwindling numbers, toward the arid mountains of southern Spain, making Gibraltar a final redoubt. It isn’t known from whom or from what they were retreating (if “retreat” describes their migration), though along the way the arts of the newcomers must have impressed them. Later Neanderthal campsites have yielded some rings and awls carved from ivory, and painted or grooved bones and teeth (nothing of the like predates the arrival of Homo sapiens). The pathos of their workmanship—the attempt to copy something novel and marvellous by the dimming light of their existence—nearly makes you weep. And here, perhaps, the cruel notion that we call fashion, a coded expression of rivalry and desire, was born.”

Is fashion really a coded expression of rivalry and desire?

Consider the following diagram, a societal org chart based loosely on the hierarchical structure of the pre-modern West, with some inconsistencies, like the United States forefathers standing in for the royal court and ministries, because I couldn’t find appropriate clip art. Note that the institutions of the academy and judiciary have dotted report lines to king and church as they are derived from both.

I see essentially three distinct styles of dress in the institutions of state and church pictured above:

1. Embellished robes,
2. Plain robes, and
3. Uniforms.

Having just attended the ordination of a new Episcopal priest yesterday morning, I am able to report that the ceremony of ordination and of the coronation of a king share one interesting ritual, that of vesting the candidate, at conclusion, in beautiful, regal robes. The king’s robes represent sovereignty over his worldly kingdom, the priest’s robes represent the sovereignty of Christ in the kingdom of God. In the case of King and Pope, the robes are highly bejeweled.

Plain robes are worn by persons in positions of public trust and religious service such as monks, nuns, judges, professors and choral singers.

What’s left are military uniforms and the dress of aristocratic statesmen derived from a combination of military and civilian uniforms (e.g., footman).

Embellished robes and uniforms convey rank and/or social position whereas plain robes convey the opposite. This passage in George, Nicholas and Wilhelm: three royal cousins and the road to World War I By Miranda Carter describes how these three royal cousins felt about fashion and status:

“Nicholas also had a passion for uniforms and correct dress. He possessed the kit of every regiment in the empire down to the last inch of gold braid, and was starting to collect honorary ranks from the foreign regiments. He also had several Russian “peasant” outfits, which like his father he liked to wear from time to time–trousers and a bright red blouse made out of silk no Russian peasant could have afforded. He thought of himself as frugal–just like his father, he had holes darned, collars and cuffs replaced–but the uniforms and outfits had cost millions of roubles. The appetite for uniforms and their tiniest details had become a mania ubiquitous at all the European courts. Wilhelm’s passion was was worse than Nicholas’s. Even his entourage, the sine qua non of court conservatism, regarded him as “‘obsessed by this question of clothes and externals,” and he was constantly redesigning regimental court uniforms, the helmets becoming increasingly Wagnerian, the plumes taller, the sashes thicker and shinier. Uniform was a reminder of royalty and the aristocracy’s control of the military, but it was also a marker of their superiority to the lower classes–black tail coats, one Russian grande dame observed, failed to “differentiate a gentleman from his lackey.” In Berlin, one writer noted, “Uniforms, no longer the livery of duty, were worn like feathers, to strut the owner and attract the eligible.”

Though England’s upper classes didn’t share the continental obsession with uniform, Edward and George were quite as obsessed with clothes as their European relations. Edward had led gentlemen’s fashion since the 1860s, despite his increasing girth, and though he looked dreadful in a uniform, he was the epitome of the English gentleman style and even had a tweed check named after him. He harboured what even those who liked him described as a childlike obsession with decorations and “buttons.” An incorrectly worn medal, an ill-matching pair of trousers and waistcoat, would send him into paroxysms of irritation, moments when trivia won out over significance. “It is very interesting Sir Henry,” he once interrupted a minister reporting on the latest exploits of the Amir of Afghanistan, “but you should never wear a coloured tie with a frock coat.” Lord Salisbury, who was famous for his extreme shabbiness, induced hysterics. Salisbury, who wielded real power and had no interest in clothes, regarded Edward as a fool.”

In our post-modern secular democracy, social position is not the only element of personal style. In my totally made up theory of fashion, personal style is a combination of both social position and individual artistic expression, as depicted below.

Steve Jobs is positioned near the ascetic origin because his uniform of black turtle neck, jeans and sneakers deliberately conveys a kind of monk-like devotion to the mission of bringing technology to the masses. He wants to convey accessibility.

I do too. Not out of humble devotion to craft or creed, but out of a desire to live simply and without pretense. I also want to have some creative fun.

Elegance has elements of social status and creativity. I’m not sure how much of each but I do think there is upward pressure on individuals for status if not celebrity. I’m not talking about people in the business of fashion — they have specific business goals requiring them to be at the forefront of fashion. I’m talking about ordinary people. It takes serious money and time to dress well –  how do you stick to the objective of finding a suitable personal style without exceeding your means?

Perhaps by sewing and thrift shopping, though selection at thrift stores is limited in my size. I do really like the thrifted jacket and Coach bag pictured below. The not-your-daughters jeans (NYDJ) are very comfortable, but expensive. Meanwhile, sewing for me is temporarily on hold as I sew several patterns my daughter wants me to make.

jacket and bag

jacket again

As there will be multiple choir calls next week and the week following, Holy Week, and I have an out-of-town visitor coming, I will not post again until after Easter. Happy Easter and Happy Pesach and happy whatever other holiday you might be celebrating!

a riot of red tulips

This post continues the bullet list of qualities and experiences I think helped me evolve into the person I am today, given a shaky start.

red tulips up close

So far we have:

1. Therapy
2. Limerance

Limerance is a new word for me — I first saw a reference to it in The New Humanism, a recent New York Times column by David Brooks in which he discusses the ideas developed more fully in his new book, The Social Animal. This is how Brooks defined limerance in his column:

Limerence: This isn’t a talent as much as a motivation. The conscious mind hungers for money and success, but the unconscious mind hungers for those moments of transcendence when the skull line falls away and we are lost in love for another, the challenge of a task or the love of God. Some people seem to experience this drive more powerfully than others.

time to make a lemon tart

The wiki entry for limerance more negatively describes the term as a neologism, originated by the psychologist Dorothy Tennov, for a state of obsessive romantic passion. Aside from a couple of intense crushes that didn’t pan out over the years, I’ve not experienced anything like the kind of unrequited love described in the wiki entry; my fears of rejection and intrusive thoughts during stage 1 — fantasy — of romantic love were symptoms of the normal dysfunctional besottedness that clears up in stage 2 — reality.

our tulip poplar tree has new leaves

What aligns more closely with my own experience is this entry on pages 208-209 of The Social Animal. Brooks writes:

The desire for limerance drives us to seek perfection in our crafts. Sometimes, when we are absorbed in some task, the skull barrier begins to disappear. An expert rider feels at one with the rhythms of the horse she is riding. A carpenter merges with the tool in his hands. A mathematician loses herself in the problem she is solving. In these sublime moments, internal and external patterns are meshing and flow is achieved. [...] The desire for limerance propels us intellectually. [...] The desire for limerance is at its most profound during those transcendent moments when people feel themselves fused with nature and with God, when the soul lifts up and a feeling of oneness with the universe pervades their being.

Exactly.

there are just a few wisteria blooms

Limerance is sort of like rapture, with a dash of harmony, a teaspoon of mastery and tablespoon of total absorption thrown in.

Blessed with a sunny disposition, a sense of humor and silliness and heapfuls of limerance, I spent a lot of time in childhood lost in other worlds, from the amusing to the sublime: gothic, mystery and animal novels, TV show sets, radio shows, phonograph records of classical and popular music, music and dance lessons and practice, school homework at my desk or the school library or the library downtown, sketching and drawing, gardening, dog walking, bicycle riding, horseback riding, sewing and swimming. I was always falling in love, with people, characters, ideas, pets and projects. It mystified me when friends would complain of boredom as I was rarely bored.

sunny me

red bud tree blossoms

During the sixteen years I lived with them, my parents, albeit lacking skills in the parental nurturing department, did, as I mentioned in this earlier post, offer opportunities for educational enrichment at times when it was financially feasible. In my case this meant tap, ballet and baton twirling lessons 1965-1967 when my father was employed in the New Jersey instruments division of  Singer Sewing Company developing guidance systems for the NASA Apollo lunar modules (that helped put a man on the moon), and, during the years my father worked for Long Island, New York Vernitron Corporation, private cello and piano lessons from a graduate of The Julliard School and an accomplished cellist in the Long Island performing arts scene of that time.

gingko tree -- new baby leaves

My parents couldn’t afford to buy a cello for me, but in those days the Huntington, Long Island public schools offered rich music programs with school instruments you could take home for practice and private instruction. There was a piano in the living room, a Baldwin upright if I remember correctly. My mother liked to play and sing hymns and old songs from this song book. I sometimes sang with her and believe these times of singing together and of watching my father listen to classical music with a look of regal delight as he conducted with an invisible baton inspired my life-long interest in music.

Get Together Songs

All the Songs You Love to Sing

I am grateful to my parents for this gift of the love of music.

On the occasion of my engagement to my second husband I asked for a piano in lieu of an engagement ring and that is how I came to own the piano pictured in this post.

I still have and love this piano, shown below along with the very good quality cello I finally bought for myself in 2005.

piano and cello as they looked five minutes ago

I do not get to play piano or cello very much these days. Practicing takes more time than ever seems to be available and anyway as members of the St Matthew’s Chancel Choir we get to sing gorgeous stuff like this.

Limerance is a quality that doesn’t fade with age. I am still always falling in love. Martin does as well. Lately we’ve both been getting lost in the world of sewing, me sewing tops and Martin sewing vintage tailored men’s shirts — he’s blogging too!

I tried saving that floral shirt by re-cutting and sewing it in a size small for my daughter but though it came out okay and in working on it I learned how to sew in the round using a serger, my daughter didn’t like the cowl neck.

V8634 size small

Actually it didn’t come out okay, at least not in my opinion. Sewing in the round using a serger is a tricky business — mistakes were made and had to be fixed with hand sewing. This would have been okay for my daughter but given that she doesn’t want the top, it will have to be discarded as a test shirt.

In Duchesse’s excellent post about eccentricity vs elegance in 50+ style, I told the story of sewing this top using a sparkly red fabric and wearing it to a party only to have someone remark “you look like a Christmas tree.”

V8634 christmas tree top

Here’s the fabric up close.

sparkles

I thought it was fun but what do you think? No red sparkles ever or only at Christmas time? Or only if the fabric is of high quality — the fabric pictured above is not as I’m still getting my sewing chops back and didn’t want to waste good fabric.

In closing, I think limerance is closely related to beauty but I can’t say exactly why I think so. It is more of a feeling.

beauty

I leave you with the gorgeous voice of gorgeous Katherine Growdon, mezzo soprano and our former alto section lead in the St Matthew’s choir, singing last Thursday at the Trinity Wall Street Episcopal Church. Scroll in 3:06 minutes to skip the introduction.

See you next week!

Fallen Angel - Alexandre Cabanel

Doesn’t this dark angel seem worthy of a Wendy Brandes custom jewelry design?

Over the years people have asked how I managed to get through the challenging circumstances of my upbringing.

The answer is complicated. As a lover of bullet lists, I want to make a bullet list, but I don’t want to get ahead of myself. So I’ll try to tackle one bullet point per post over the next several posts.

The first bullet point is therapy.

Therapy is a particularly loaded topic for me since my parents used it as a way of gauging my progress against their agenda, which mainly consisted of avoiding parental responsibility.

Like Sally Draper, I was sent to therapy to be “fixed” but at some level understood that I wasn’t the problem. I can still recall sitting with various therapists, legs askew, hands fidgeting while professional eyes searched my eyes, looking for clues. What is wrong with Susan?

Meanwhile I continued working pretty hard as a young cellist and pianist and public school student, keeping an A- or B+ grade point average.

My crimes, for which I was kiddie incarcerated, had to do with staying with friends over weekends to avoid being home with my angry mother, and cavorting with boys, sometimes getting a neck hickey. Okay, there was also drinking, cigarette and dope smoking, and other similar risky behaviors, in which all of my Long Island, New York friends circa 1971 were similarly engaged.

The parents of my friends were appalled by what happened to me.

Therapy continued while I was locked up in the Suffolk County Children’s Shelter and later after I was released, the focus of it being on my behavior, not the behavior of my parents. It wasn’t difficult to put two-and-two together regarding who was paying the therapy bills and the therapy content delivered. I still remember one therapist remarking that yes, it’s difficult when parents choose not to parent, as if I should know that this is a typical situation a young person needs to accept.

I tuned out.

For solace, I turned to the life of the mind, and ultimately, after an unfortunate first marriage, embraced career and motherhood during my second marriage as a primary focus.

The Third Temptation, William Blake, 1777-1827. Love the deco-looking Jesus and the typically muscular fallen angel.

Note: doesn’t the above deco Jesus remind you of the Columbia pictures gal? (Jesus and Fashion — there’s a topic!)

I tried therapy on my own during college and my twenties and thirties, but kept encountering sad-sack practitioners, from a psychologist who scribbled on a pad and stared at me yet never spoke — well maybe once during the session he’d say something like “you seem angry” — to an LMFC who talked about herself incessantly while knitting then one day crawled under her desk to avoid a process server who interrupted our session to serve her divorce related papers, to another LMFC who routinely fell asleep during sessions.

The church seemed like a better bet, though I’m not a believer in any traditional sense. It helps considerably that the American Episcopal church is widely inclusive.

There was one brief period during my thirties, when I felt particularly vulnerable, of flirting with devoutness, but generally I self-identify as a secular humanist with great admiration for the aesthetic cultural heritage of the church and its highly-developed vision of the purpose of human life, which besides being a good person, involves understanding a) life is unfair, b) there will be death and destruction, c) carpe diem!

I also embrace ecumenism — there is much to learn from other faith traditions.

Martin and I, both avid fans of Joseph Campbell, relate to pre-Christian ideas of the plant god that we figure Christianity is layered on top of (so California!) — so technically we’re pagans or heathens, but whatever, no one is carding us at the door.

I let the seasonal liturgy wash over me, giving me thoughts to contemplate as I day dream during bible readings and sermons.

For example, this is the season of Lent, during which we’re reminded of the temptation of Christ by Satan, the fallen angel pictured in the two paintings above, and of the idea of victory over sin and death. (Every year some of my church women friends can’t help noticing that in paintings of the Temptation the fallen angel is way sexier than the figure of Christ.)

There have been many notions of victory in the history of the church, most of them focused on the afterlife in which Christ is the sovereign along with his pal God.

When we visited the Melk Abbey In Austria in December, we were both stunned by the amazing crown of victory on the high alter. Martin’s first thought was that any religious/political structure that could convince the people to devote their labor to gilding this church so elaborately could convince those same people to do literally anything.

Melk Abbey - Crown of Victory - Courtesy of http://dhgorman.com/

I am slower to make those kind of judgments, but given what happened in Austria in 1939, it does make me wonder. Maybe I’ll have a better sense of things after I finish reading The Austrians: A Thousand-Year Odyssey.

My notion of victory, in the pagan/heathen context, has to with the cycle of life and death. For me, Winter is the time of death, Spring the time of rebirth.

Flowers! - looking good despite the rain deluge

As for life beyond our earthly life-and-death cycle? The Kingdom of God?

Think of Handel. Trumpets blowing. Large bouquets of lilies. Sipping Champagne.

Cherry blossoms!

Happy Spring! I wish you gorgeous flowers and romantic angels.

Note: There wasn’t sufficient interest in the Chanel book giveaway so it’s hereby canceled.

Update: Martin told me that by identifying as a secular humanist I’m essentially saying I’m atheist, but that’s not true. I believe in some kind of divine reality yet remain in full possession of my intellect in interpreting its nature.

In a previous post I mentioned winning The Sisterhood of the Traveling Book giveaway at RAGS Against the Machine of Coco Chanel: The Legend and the Life by Justine Picardie, and now, having finished reading it, I’m delighted to announce my own giveaway of this traveling book. All you need to do to participate is to comment on this post. I’ll randomly select a commenter by comment number as the winner, then announce the winner later this week.

The winner accepts the book with the understanding that, after reading it, it should be passed on to another reader as part of the winner’s own blog giveaway, and the blog originating The Sisterhood of the Traveling Book, RAGS Against the Machine, should be mentioned in the winner’s giveaway blog post.

And now, here’s my review of the book.

The carefully researched portrait of Gabrielle Chanel that emerges in Coco, The Legend and the Life is both fascinating and troubling.

Gabrielle’s troubles began early. At age eleven, February 1895, while her father was again away traveling, leaving his wife and children in a freezing one-room apartment in Brive-la-Gaillarde, Gabrielle’s mother died, apparently from a combination of poverty, ill health and possible pregnancy. Soon after the death, her father abandoned Gabrielle and her two sisters to nuns running an orphanage at l’Abbaye d’Aubazine.  There she lived an austere, disciplined life until, at the age of 18, an aunt arranged for her to attend the Notre Dame School in Moulins, where she advanced her sewing skills first learned at the orphanage, thereby preparing herself, after leaving the school, for her first job as a shop assistant and seamstress along with her aunt Adrienne — the youngest daughter of her father’s parents.

It was while thus employed that Gabrielle met and entertained local cavalry officers as a amateur stage singer, then, at age 21, took up residence at the spacious country home of one these officers, Balsan Etienne, the first of many unfaithful lovers who gave her the impetus and in subsequent cases the financing she needed to become a self-made woman.

The book is thoroughly enjoyable in offering a dazzling inside view of avant-garde artists and fashionable high-society in Paris from the early 1900s to the beginning of the second world war, and of Chanel’s American celebrated comeback during 1950s and 60s.

Having myself been emancipated at a young age, I appreciate Chanel’s survival skills and her determination to become financially independent of the men in her life. As a new student of style and fashion, I admire her skills as a couturier and fashion designer. And as a woman, I am grateful for Chanel’s contribution to the freedom of movement and design simplicity of current women’s clothes, although, as Karl Lagerfield points out in the movie Chanel, Chanel, she wasn’t the only designer creating the fluid, minimalist styles of the 20s and 30s. In the film, Lagerfield claims that the Chanel suit developed after her 1950s comeback best defines her signature style.

Still, Chanel the woman bothers me.

It’s got to do with little things, like chronically telling lies (as my father did) and not treating people well, for example, the models, as per this observation in Alicia Drake’s The Beautiful Fall regarding Chanel’s obession with armholes:

“She used to fit and refit the armhole on the model herself with a pair of scissors and pins in a brutal, blood-letting approach, hacking away at the underarm and often the woman until she achieved perfection.”

It’s got to do with bigger things like some of the company she kept, for example Hans Gunther von Dincklage, whom Picardie describes as “attaché to the German embassy in Paris” and as a possible Abwehr agent (German spy), and it’s got to do with the feeling that overall, even if, as Picardie claims, there’s no clear, firm evidence of Chanel being a Nazi collaborator, she could have tried a little harder to be less ambiguous regarding her views of and actions with regard to antisemitism and The Third Reich. And she could have definitely not tried to use anti-Jewish laws of the German Occupation to get rid of her Jewish business partners in the perfume business!

It’s important to consider the context of the time.

At the time of reading Coco, The Legend and the Life I also happened to be reading the magnificent two-volume tome The Last Lion: Winston Spencer Churchill, Visions of Glory 1874 – 1932 and The Last Lion: Winston Spencer Churchill, Alone 1932-1940 by William Manchester (more on these books in a future post), and found it interesting to contrast Picardie’s and Manchester’s references to Churchill and Churchill’s friend Bendor, the Duke of Westminister and Chanel’s lover circa 1925-1930.

Picardie makes two references to Chanel’s social connection with Churchill while she was Bendor’s lover, specifically two notes Churchill wrote to his wife Clementine expressing admiration for Chanel.

The first note, which appears on page 147 and was written in October 1927 while Churchill  was visiting Bendor’s Scotland estate, refers to Chanel being an improvement on Bendor’s ex-second wife Violet:

“Coco is here in place of Violet. She fishes from morn till night, & in 2 months has killed 50 salmon. She is vy agreeable — really a gt & strong being fit to rule a man or an Empire. Bennie vy well & I think extremely happy to be mated with an equal — her ability balancing his power. We are only 3 on the river & have all the plums.”

The second note to Clementine appears later, on page 168, but was written earlier,  in January 1927, when Churchill visited Chanel at her workrooms in Rue Cambon:

“The famous Coco turned up & I took a gt fancy to her — A most capable and agreeable woman — much the strongest personality Benny has yet been up against. She hunted vigorously all day, motored to Paris after dinner, & is today engaged in passing & improving dresses on endless streams of mannequins. Altogether 200 models [outfits] have to be settled in almost 3 weeks. Some have to be altered ten times. She does it with her own fingers, pinning, cutting, looping, etc. With her — Vera Bate née Arkwright. ‘Yr Chief of Staff?’ Non — ‘One of yr lieutenants?’ Non. ‘Elle est Là. Voilà tout.’”

According to Picardie, Churchill’s friendship with Chanel remained warm even after her breakup with Bendor, but she doesn’t offer evidence of a strong social connection during the war years.

Manchester, in contrast, makes no mention at all of Chanel, except one fleeting reference on page 52 of the second book to Chanel’s “gloves of 18-karat spun gold” in a sentence describing the offerings of multiple Paris designers in the period just following the end of World War I. Considering what a thorough job Manchester does of covering every intimate detail of Churchill’s personal, social and public life, the friendship with Chanel is an interesting omission.

Manchester does however allude to Bendor’s rabid antisemitism in this passage describing the mood of Duff Cooper on the evening of September 2, 1939, the day after the Germans invaded Poland and diplomatic and strategic blunders on the part of Britain and France delayed an immediate and effective response:

“Among the deeply troubled men in London that Saturday evening was Duff Cooper, formerly first lord of the Admiralty and now, by choice, a private member. After Parliament broke up, Cooper and his wife — the striking Lady Diana, a public figure in her own right and much admired by Churchill — had walked along the Embankment to the Savoy. Cooper had dined here with Churchill the previous evening, and he was still fuming over an ugly exchange with the Duke of Westminster after they had parted. For over thirty years Winston and Bendor had been friends; but Westminster’s virulent anti-Semitism and his admiration for Hitler had ruptured their friendship. Cooper had encountered him while leaving the Savoy, and in his diary he recorded that the Duke began by ‘abusing the Jewish race’ and ‘rejoicing that we were not yet at war,’ adding ‘Hitler knew after all that we were his best friends.’ Infuriated, Cooper had replied:  ‘I hope that by tomorrow he will know that we are his most implacable and ruthless enemies.’”

It is hard to believe that Coco would have loved an antisemitic admirer of Hitler if she didn’t at some level have sympathy with those views.

In closing, Picardie’s meticulous research does not provide support for labeling Chanel as an antisemitic Nazi collaborator, but rather as a woman with ambiguous views towards Jews and a maybe-but-probably not relationship with The Third Reich. However, Manchester’s research documenting Churchill’s social repudiation of Bendor as an antisemitic Hitler admirer and omitting any reference to Chanel’s social connection to Churchill does make me wonder why Picardie makes only one negative political reference to Bendor: on page 244, in a paragraph briefly covering the extraordinary incident in which Bendor made a public statement opposing the war in Germany and Churchill expressed “gravest concern” in response, she mentions his “reputation” for antisemitism and membership in the pro-German, right-wing organization The Link, but a couple of sentences later re-establishes him as a British patriot ready to do anything necessary to win the war! Did Picardie up-play Chanel’s association with Churchill and down-play Bendor’s unsavoriness in order to soften attacks on her reputation? I think it’s possible, but you be the judge.

Happy reading!

Update: the author, Justine Picardie, has a blog here, so I got in touch and she commented on her blog about this review. She wrote:

“Susan Tiner — thanks for getting in touch, and the constructive review. You could write an entire book about Churchill and Bendor’s relationship, and its nuances; indeed, I hope that someone does. Certainly, it was an enduring friendship, from youth until Bendor’s death in 1953. I was aware of the reference to Bendor in Duff Cooper’s diaries, and I agree, it’s an important observation…”

Chico's cardigan and top -- Eileen Fisher pencil skirt -- Aerosoles ruby red shoes

The engineer in me insisted on titling this post Problem Solved!

I know I should have come up with some kind of more soul-searching style statement. I tried. I read a lot of books and stuff. They were kind of new agey.

The rebel in me doesn’t want to be pinned down.

Anyway, style, as a quest, has reached a natural diminuendo.

Two Eileen Fisher pieces — a pencil skirt and ponte slacks — and a few Chico’s selections are working well as key pieces of a core wardrobe.  It’s easy to see how to add jewel tone tops and shoes for color and jackets/cardigans for structure, enhancing the silhouette. The rest can come together in time, including perfection of the WendyB pose. (Ack! I forgot to place my free hand on my hip!)

TravelSmith jacket - Chico's top - Eileen Fisher ponte pants - Aerosoles shoes

Kristin of K-Line delicately suggested I might invest in higher quality undergarments. That sounded fascinating. The lovely ladies at Charmelle 28 were very happy to help me select some very, very pretty and sexy things. I feel prettier, and my tops miraculously fit better.

Thank you Kristin!

As for sewing, the floral print didn’t work at all for Vogue pattern V8634 not to mention that I’d chosen the wrong size!

Solids are more slimming.

Here’s a view of V8634 pin fitted, in my correct pattern size 16, with a 1 inch broad back adjustment (1/2 inch added to the back piece).

V8634 size 16 with broad back adjustment - much better!

Pin fitted V8634, up closer

Let me just say, before showing the finished blouse, that I understand better the idea of a jewel tone. This color works ok, but I think in general I will want more brilliant jewel tones. This one is a little light.

V8634 finished

V8634 finished - close up

But still, it’s an awfully cute top, and I feel empowered, having fitted it so nicely to my very unique shape.

This ends the style quest, at least as a focus. I might show you some cute sewing results here and there, but mainly, I want to get back to memoir and historical reflection.

See you next week.