Paris -- Spring 2005
In Spring 2005 I went to Paris for the first time, with my friend Anne. It was a unique opportunity for me, as Anne knows her way around the city and she speaks French fluently.
Anne -- Opéra de Paris
At that point, I owned a single pair of pearl earrings, a gift from a dear friend sometime in the 1980s, and no other jewelry besides a couple pairs of gold earring studs and hoops.
my favorite pearl earrings
So I wanted to buy some jewelry.
This decision having occurred before my current exploration of style and personal aesthetic, I had no idea what I wanted or why, but I had a vague notion that I liked preppy and this translated to thinking I wanted
- a classic watch,
- a pair of diamond studs, and
- a string of pearls.
Lucky for me, Anne has a cultivated personal aesthetic, tons of style and loves sharing her knowledge and shopping expertise. She knew exactly how to converse with Madame at the estate jewelry shop Galerie Au Fil des Perles such that I got an excellent price for the Cartier Trinity watch and diamond studs pictured below.
jewelry from Paris
Anne also price bargained at Galeries Lafayette for the string of pearls pictured above, at one point even biting them to check their quality. Les bijoux commis au comptoir was impressed!
I love my little jewelry collection. Thank you Anne.
The style quest continues. A dear friend suggested it has to do with individuality, and that some people have it and some don’t. I wrote:
I like your idea of it having to do with individuality. It may be true that it can’t be acquired, but I don’t want to give up hope. Martin and I feel that we express individuality in our home decor and garden, but don’t do so with our clothing, in part because we haven’t really considered the angle of taking personal pleasure in those choices. Both of us have viewed clothes as something required by others, to meet social expectations of appropriateness. As rebels, we want to minimally conform. It’s intriguing to reconsider it from the standpoint of personal pleasure and self care. Thinking of it this way, I realized that I take pleasure in the style of others, because it tells me something about the person. Usually what’s communicated is a feeling of enjoyment — the person is enjoying herself or himself. I take pleasure in the enjoyment of others. It never occurred to me that not paying attention to myself could be taken as a kind of arrogance. That I don’t bother with myself because I don’t care what others see.
If I can approach clothes with the same feeling of relish we have in finishing our home, loving every detail, that will be an achievement. It’s a difficult conceptual leap, involving a complete rewiring of my body image.
As I read further in Alicia Drake’s The Beautiful Fall, I also see the dark side of fashion: decadence, narcissism and a harsh, youth-centric standard of beauty.
But let’s take a break from deep thoughts.
I had to return the entire box of Eileen Fisher things except for the one Petite Large black wrap pictured below.
I don't like the low neckline but anyway the top and pants are too big
I made the mistake of ordering everything in 1x or Misses x-large attempting to accommodate my largest dimension, waist size, based on the size chart. Everything was too big.
swimming in these 1x cargo pants
I reordered most things in Misses Large, but returned the tops with a low scoop neckline.
Meanwhile, I returned the stuff I bought at Kohl’s. They really make it hassle free to return stuff. Since I was there, I bought some new things, this time applying what I’ve learned so far about what might work well. This coral knit top appealed me, but after I got home I realized it was too big.
petite large is too big
Clearing the decks of client work, I had some time to run errands, but just before I left to return the top to Kohl’s it began hail.
hail stones everywhere!
a blanket of hail
Then, just when I was going to give up and work on this blog post, the sun came out.
three minutes after the hail storm
The clouds warned of more rain, but I decided to take my chances.
And so here’s the top again, in Petite Medium.
petite medium works better
I am soaking up knowledge from many friends and wonderful bloggers (some of whom are friends) who write thoughtfully about style, including La Belette Rouge, Kate Mayfield, K-Line, Privilege, Une femme d’un certain age, Rags Against the Machine, Wendy Brandes, AlreadyPretty, Inside Out Style, restingmotion, materfamiliaswrites, and Fashion Over Fifty.
I don’t think you can just snap your fingers and produce a cultivated personal aesthetic like a rabbit from a hat. There are subtleties and vicissitudes.
If I were forced right now to sketch my thoughts on a white board with a sharpie (sharpie nod to Kerry at ClueWagon) I would draw the word ‘fantasy’ at top, a diagonal line to left with the label ‘social contract’ and a diagonal to the right with the label ‘character’. Why? As I cogitate, I see two fundamental aspects of style, one having to do with social expectations of appearance — entirely optional at this point — and one having to do with one’s self expression, what one wants to communicate to others. Both aspects involve an element of fantasy in that the beholder is taking visual cues from your appearance, superficial cues, and surmising things about you, such as your attitude toward and compliance with social expectations, of class and other forms of status, and your individual character.
I fantasize in this exact way, parsing the visual cues, placing the person into a certain socioeconomic category and making vast subliminal judgments regarding character.
My friend Anne, the one I have to thank for my beautiful jewelry, was, among her many talents, an expert home stager. (She is now an Episcopal priest, hence the past tense.) She told me that most people make the decision to buy or sell a home from the curb, as they get out of the car and approach the house. This is why realtors and home staging professionals make such a big deal about the curb appeal of your home.
If the home analogy applies to personal style, it makes sense to think about the take-away message I communicate to people as they meet me, for the first time.
I hope this is the message:
Warm and generous, loves people. A tad complicated, intense even, but in an interesting way — maybe a story there. No pretense whatsoever. Curious about you, listens. Loves to laugh! Sense of place uncertain. Over thinks everything in seeking meaning, i.e, the meaning of life, but if prodded, will stop and enjoy kitties, garden, friends, choir and, most of all, Martin.
In closing, here’s some photos showing what Martin’s been up to now that he’s not developing iPhone/iPad apps.
fresh paint on the front garden wall
fixing the copper flashing on the arch -- (you can't see but it was buckling)
many colorful tulip bulbs coming up
martin's young pear tree flowering
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Susan, I’m really enjoying reading your thoughts and ruminations on style. It’s been my observation that when it comes to style there are two types of women: those who figure it out early on, and the rest of us, who stumble around and, with some focused effort, eventually figure it out. Your concept of a style “triangle” is an interesting one.
Have you looked at the book “Style Statement”? Many of our fellow bloggers have recommended it as a way to help define and develop a personal style. But I think it’s important to just experiment and play and trust how you feel about an item or an outfit.
I like that coral color on you! And the jewelry you bought in Paris is very elegant and classic.
Pseu, I didn’t realize you were late in figuring out style. I assumed you were one of ones who figured it out early on. Not so? Perhaps I have to dig deeper in your archives to get the back story. I’ll ask you about this offline. You know Martin and I think of you as a rock star!
Great choices in jewelry, Susan. Classic pieces will never be out of style. And your home is so lovely! Please post more photos.
Thank you Angie. We love our home :-).
I enjoyed this post Susan. I’m wondering if your trip to Paris had any influence on the way you perceive style. My first trip to Paris I did nothing but people watch and eat croissants. I got lucky and was invited into an artist’s apartment – always fun to see how the natives live!
Hi Kate, I remember being blown away by the construction of clothing. The clothes seemed so well made. Also, Parisiens dress up more. We did visit a cousin of Anne’s, so I got an inside look at family life in Paris.
So my Sharpie obsession is obvious?
I think if I had that backyard (and no diapers to change) I would not care about style. I would be back there all the time, reading and drinking pop.
Kerry, your sharpie obsession is one of the reasons I’m glad my mutual funds have holdings in Sanford L.P. (Newell Rubbermaid).
You can change diapers in my backyard anytime :-).
I don’t no how much longer I can think about style. There are so many other interesting things to think about, and anyway Spring is coming.
But as soon as I can catch up on client stuff I want to start sewing some shell tops.
I’m on high alert ready to help you with any future jewelry needs ;-)
I love the post-hail picture you took. The sky is all like, “Hail? What hail? You crazy!”
Wendy, the earrings I want the most — the Helen earrings — are way out of my price range, but hey, a girl can dream. Once I put my look together, whatever that is, I have a feeling one or two of your pieces will be added to my little collection. The zebra stud earrings are hot and I can afford those.
I have a bathroom almost that same color pink but with black accents instead of green. While I’ve done plenty of pink/green in my bathroom I’ve never seen one that was tiled with pink/green.
Nearly all the homes in our subdivision, except ours, have had their original bathrooms re-done. I rather like the old tiling. I just wish the plumbing behind the tiles wouldn’t leak.
RoseAG, I have a story to tell about that bathroom, maybe next post. It is definitely the original.
Terri, ha! Anne is an Episcopal priest now, otherwise I bet she’d be game. I’m glad you like my garden and style thoughts :-)
So jealous of the blossoms around you! I like the coral sweater and the thoughts on the the social contract/character “fantasy” as you put it. Wonder if Anne is interested in organizing shopping trips to Paris!
Fantastic shots, Susan. I love what you’re doing with your camera and how you’re really delving into the notion of style from many angles, not just “does this look good?” I really think the peach top looks great, though, whatever you ultimately decide. Looking at the scoop neckline, I wondered, have you tried out boat necklines (I hope I even have the terminology right!) This neckline looks disastrous on me, but is flattering on my sis, who has a similar build to yours.
My favorite part of your post was about your experiences in Paris. I’m fortunate enough to have lived in France, and one of my favorite parts was showing around my friends who came to visit from far away. I bet Anne had a blast helping you navigate. :)
Lovely pearls, by the way. It surprised me for a second that you *didn’t* already have a string of pearls — and then I realized that’s one of those regional style expectations that I’ve absorbed without trying. A Southern girl just has to have the obligatory string of pearls for certain types of social events. It’s even more important than being in line to inherit your mother’s well-seasoned cast-iron skillet. (Both of these traditions are, of course, fading away to dust in the modern world, although I still see quite a lot of pearls come out at weddings and such.)
Hi Meredith,
I’m so glad you like the camera shots. I got all excited and couldn’t wait to tell you all about it. I was using the auto-zoom feature although there’s supposedly a way to force it into close-up mode. Spring is so gorgeous in our neighborhood and I look forward to sharing more flowers.
Thank you for the boat neckline tip — yes that’s right I think — I will try it and see if it works.
I’m a recovering Pipi Longstocking, so yes, there was very little jewelry, and certainly not a string of real pearls. In my family, that sort of classy adornment was for snooty types. I think my mother had few pieces of fine jewelry, but she mostly wore costume jewelry. She did have quite the shoe collection.Whenever I saw it I couldn’t help thinking of Imelda Marcos, but you know, good for her taking pleasure in beautiful shoes.
The story of Mom and me and our fashion struggles is part of my own fashion story. More reflections on that in a future post.
I love it that girls growing up in the South were expected to have a little class and wear pearls. It’s too bad that these traditions are disappearing.
I love well-seasoned cast-iron skillets, wouldn’t dream of toasting my cumin seeds in anything else.
I am so glad you had the experience of living in France. You ought to write about it :-)
I think your jewelry selections were perfection, pieces that can be worn forever with just about anything.
On my 1st trip to Paris, armed with an intro from Bazaar, I went to a fashion showing at Nina Ricci. Have to laugh now when I think about it. I’m sure they took one look at me in my travel drip and dry dress and thought what the heck is SHE doing here?
Gallerie Lafayette was more my style.
Your house and patio look so inviting in your photos. I also like that coral on you. Warm colors seem to suit you.
Thank you Pat! Your trip to Paris sounds like fun. I’ve never been to a fashion show.
I do like warm colors :-)
I am so thrilled for you. Yes!! The idea of taking the time and energy and making choices that delight you in the same way you have with your home is a BRILLIANT one. I, personally, find home choices to be more daunting and scary. If I buy a dress that is a mistake that doesn’t feel like a big deal. If I make a mistake with the lamp or a chair then that feels like a much bigger deal.
p.s. I really like outfit #1 in the post ( the one with the low neckline). What matters, however, is what you like.
xo
Hi Tracey, thank you. I am already getting a kick out of this process, now that I’m getting a clue about self kindness, and some notion of what style means to me.
That’s funny you feel daunted by home decor and furnishings. In our case, I think it helps that we can follow the era of the house — 1926. We love stuff from that era anyway, but it also happens to go well with the house, so it’s easy for us to look for things we love from that time or in the style of that time.
Thanks for your support!
xoxo
The pink top looks great, and I love your Cartier watch. Love it when what we wear has so much meaning…
I love being able to express creativity through clothing. Colored tights are my favorite!! :)
Hannah, I think colored tights will be one of my ways of expressing creativity too, that is if the pencil skirt works out for me.
Isn’t the Cartier watch beautiful? I love it so much every time I look at it.
I love what you wrote about expressing creativity with your home versus your way of personally presenting yourself through clothes, and your current rethinking of that. I keep coming back to this post and each reading has me traipsing down a different mental road.
That particular paragraph struck me because in some ways we were the opposite, in that we didn’t necessarily want our house to “match” what was expected from our professional and socio-economic niche, but my spouse particularly was opposed to putting money into houses. I suspect this is some deep seated remnant from being uprooted many times as a child (refugee from Austria pre WWII) exacerbated by the uprooting and disruption caused by the disintegration of his first marriage and loss of his children. So we both invested more in personal appearance, although I think it was more of a putting on of a persona we wished to present to the world, a shaping of expectations and a hiding of the self rather than an expression of self.
Now, as I move into my mid 50′s I am less interested in the projecting aspect of clothing and the idea of self-expression both creatively and the aspects of creating a personal uniform, a basic comfort zone with creative play that can be engaged or not as mood dictates.
Mardel, I too am less interested in the projecting aspect of clothing. I love the idea of a personal uniform as a basic comfort zone with creative play you engage in or not as you feel like it. That’s exactly what I want.
That’s so interesting what you wrote about your husband’s feelings about putting money into houses and the possible connection to his past experiences of being uprooted. (Incidentally, we traveled to Germany and Austria in December and I did some historical reading about the Austrians at that time — the pre-WWII story there is so tragic.) Houses may not feel like a secure place for him.
We have choir now so I will think more about what you said and write more later.