This post has been removed at the request of my mother.
I believe the story should have a permanent home here, as a record of my process of coming to grips with the family history and its impact on my life, an experience shaped in part by family secrets, and of attempting to reconcile with my mother, but she feels differently, so I am honoring her request.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Beautiful, Beautifully written. We are all going through “stuff” with our moms now, unfortunately, mine no longer has the memory…
So glad to have read this blog…
xox N
Thanks Nadine. I’ll reply to your facebook message over there.
Oh, Susan. This was lovely. Sad and touching and happy, too. I’m glad you’ve had a chance to spend time with your mother.
Thanks Lisa. It is sad but the reconciling is the main thing.
Oh wow, Susan. I am so glad you wrote this and that you put your foot down! There is a lot to reconcile, and I admire you for your guts and determination to do so now, while you still can. (With the recent death of my grandfather, I’m wishing I had pressed him for even more details of his life, especially after all I heard at the funeral home. A life is so amazingly multi-faceted, unfurling as it does in both time and space.)
I feel inspired by your ability to write down the hard things — and moved by your story. I know it is your mother’s story, but it still feels like your story, with hers embedded in it. Which seems strange, as usually one imagines the child as rather embedded in the parent’s story, not the other way around. But that’s how it felt, reading it.
Thanks Meredith. I see your idea of her story embedded in mine. It was me who pushed her over the edge into the oblivion of her fears where her story lives. The higher level story is me trying to understand, searching for the stories and then knitting them together.
I just wanted to check in to make sure everyone is okay there. Were you guys near the fires?
San Bruno is several miles to the North. I can smell the fires though. What’s weird is that we didn’t hear the blast though we near fairly near.
What a powerful story. And thank goodness your mother finally opened up about her life before you, a very sad life of not being wanted by her own mother. Not bonding with her mother makes it easier to understand her distance and harsh treatment with you. Good for you pressing for that information. Having it all out on the table will in the end I think bring you closer together.
And good for your mother who had it in her to finally overcome her difficult past.
Thanks saavysavingbytes. I feel really happy about the positive outcome.
I am Hannah Stephenson’s (thestorialist) mother and she suggested your writing to me because she thinks we have so much in common. That’s probably why I was so moved by this story about you and your mother. My mother also had a very strange childhood (orphaned and rejected by several families), became a nurse in Chicago, met my father while she was an Army nurse. Unfortunately she died at 48, when I was 22, and I never really got to know her as an adult. I am reading through all your entries, smiling and tearing up all the while. Loved your father’s comment about “all your weddings.” I myself have had three! I look forward to reading more. Your voice is so clear, piercing my heart.
Dear Anne,
It is nice to meet you here. I am going to send you an email tomorrow morning as we’ve just returned from church and are off again to our annual choir party for the rest of the day. I will be thinking of you and have some thoughts.
By the way, Hannah may have already told you, but right now it’s not easy to access the early posts she’s in the middle of editing — the index on the blog front page is missing for these posts. So if you want to read posts 1-6 but can’t find them let me know and I will send links.
-Susan
Oh, Susan… I couldn’t help but release tears both for your mom and yourself. This is beautiful writing, full of emotion.
Hi Susan,
This is such a moving story.
I often encourage my clients to “tell their stories” to each other so they better understand the context of their loved ones behavior-esp. parents with children and spouses with spouses. Your story is a testimant to why this exercise is so critical to the health of relationships. I’m so happy for you and your Mom.
Hospice has a VERY soft spot in my heart. I worked for hospice for a number of years and actually was the coordinator of the children’s grief and loss program at the largest hospice in our state and ran a grief camp for children for years. Your Mom I am sure has been healed by her volunteer work too.
Bless you both.
Thank you Stephanie. I really admire my Mom’s hospice work. Bless you too.
Angie, I meant to say that I often feel that way when I read your stories — so full of emotion.